I don't think brook has ever known best
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
