Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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