Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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