Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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