You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
