you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
