Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
