Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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