walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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