The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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