Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
