So drunk its hurt
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm always down for nudity.
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