We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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