worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize