I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My life is pants optional.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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