my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
