All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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