Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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