Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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