Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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