Who wears a wallet chain?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
