i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
