My liver just broke up with me...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
