Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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