"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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