So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize