Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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