I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
