Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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