help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
