so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
