dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He passed out mid-signature
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
