How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
