Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
