don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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