Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The power of my boobs compel you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
