Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
