I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
