i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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