I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He better not be in your backpack
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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