i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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