i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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