"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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