so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
