they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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