i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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