Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
