SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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