Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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