the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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