Someone shit on the floor
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
