Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
