ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
