Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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