god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
