I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
