apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
