I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
