I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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