You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
