Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
