The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
