I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
are you so shy because you have an std?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
