I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
