this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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