Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
