She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I die, sorry about rent.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
