Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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